I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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