Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
