i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
