Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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