I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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