She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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