bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
