Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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