we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize