If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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