She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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