Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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