i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
