There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I need moral support for this bender
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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