Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
