You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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