this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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