big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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