My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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