I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
