glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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