There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
