I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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