Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
