I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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