we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
