I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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