so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
