If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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