You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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