We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
