My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
