we're chasing vodka with high fives
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
