I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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