Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
