Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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