I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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