five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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