I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
