Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm at about main and main street
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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