my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
