Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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