It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
