I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
