I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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