Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
