Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
