I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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