Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
