I don't remember. Are we still dating?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
