Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
