We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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