your thong is hanging out like whoa
So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
