If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
