I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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