Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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