Is it normal to miss your booty call?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm bleeding and have questions
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
