He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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