i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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