Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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